SO SORRY…
It's an interesting experience watching a wedding in a language you don't understand. People have asked me whether it's anything like an Aussie (lets assume that means Western, Judeo-Christian, traditional) wedding. All I have to go from is what I observed because all the rest was Swahili to me. There was a walk down the isle. There was - what I assumed was - an exchanging of vows (bride and groom speaking into a microphone, repeating what the pastor had said). There was a giving of rings. There was a signing of the certificate. So yes, if that is what makes up an Aussie wedding, then yes, it is just like an Aussie wedding.
To be honest, although there were lots of differences, I do actually think it's a fairly similar ceremony, just celebrated in a distinctly different style. I was surprised, because although I've never been in an African wedding before, I have now seen several in Uganda. And Ugandan weddings, from my experience are solemn and everyone looks miserable (I am told this is cultural).
But this Tanzanian wedding was amazing. Even from the time we arrived in Mbeya (the home of Gilbert's - the groom - parents) it was obvious we were in for a big party. We arrived on the Thursday night fairly late and were picked up by Gilbert and a friend with a couple of 4 wheel drives (remember from last week that by this time we were with Midiana - the bride's - family). On the side of the road in a strange town there was much greeting, shouting and rejoicing. We were taken to the house of a relative (uncle, nephew, dad, brother, cousin seem to be slightly more interchangeable than they are in our culture) where we stayed for the three nights we were there. Joy and I shared a room and whoever's room we had was either away at school or had been kicked out to make room for us. Then we went for food at Gilbert's parent's place. Gilbert actually lives and works (I think) two days journey from Mbeya. But it is traditional to be married from the groom's home. And that really means from the groom's parents home, or the town that they live in. Basically it is the groom's side that organises the wedding and has final say on what happens. For instance leading up to the wedding Midiana had lived in Uganda for many years but it would be almost unthinkable for her and Gilbert to be married here.
There are other ceremonies that also happen before a wedding. First there is an introduction. This takes place in the bride-to-be's parents home and is when the prospective groom is formally introduced to the parents of the bride. He comes with his family, there is a big party, if he has not paid all his cows (or equivalent) the remaining are paid then and the couple is officially and publicly acknowledged as being engaged. Our equivalent is an engagement party but I have never seen an engagement party like the introduction I have been to.
Then there is more! Before the wedding there has to be another function at the brides families' home. This is known as the giveaway. And as the name suggests this is where the bride's family gives away their daughter to the groom's family. She is literally given away/entrusted to her husband-to-be's family and becomes their responsibility. Coming from my Western worldview as I do, I find this all very confronting, it's definitely a world away from my ideas of weddings and marriage.
Anyway, back to the wedding at hand!
We were warmly received by Gilbert's family and I was very grateful that they at least spoke English (Swahili is the common language in Tanzania which is incidentally one of the factors in it gaining it's independence). The next day (Friday) we had a leisurely morning (basically waiting around for someone to tell us what to do and where to go) that eventually ended up with breakfast (at 11/12ish) back at Gilbert's parents place (which from now on I will refer to as Gilbert's place). After breakfast Joy and I were taken by Gilbert and his sisters into town where we did things like change money (Tanzanian shillings have a slightly higher value against the US dollar than Ugandan shillings) and then went to someone's house where I had a dress fitting. Amazingly enough it was almost perfect with only a few adjustments needed. Amazing because it was made in an entirely different country and that I arrived in that country with only one day to fix it. Amazing also because it was a killer hot pink and black number. After the dress fitting it was getting to be quite late and we still hadn't seen Midiana (the only person in the entire country that I really knew) so we got a 'quick' lunch at Gilbert's place and finally, around four thirty in the afternoon, went to see Midiana who was staying at the house of Gilbert's friends (Midiana couldn't come to see us because culturally she was not allowed to see the father of the groom until the wedding - didn't get the explanation to explain this one - I'm sure there is a very good reason…).
It was lovely to finally see Midiana as she had finished working in the HOPE office in Mbarara in March, only about a month after I'd arrived, and gone for the giveaway and wedding preparations in Tanzania. I think she was also happy to see us. We hung out for a little bit but then had to go and do various things in town including buying shoes for me. Killer patent black shoes. So now armed with a killer outfit for the wedding we headed back 'home'. When we got there we found no power and no one to tell us if we might get dinner. So we (that is, Joy and I) decided to walk to Gilbert's place to find some food in the hopes of getting a relatively early night, after all we had to leave for the salon the next day at 6am!
We arrived at Gilbert's place and found a party just breaking up (music = party and with the power out the party all but died). The party was a bit of a send off for Gilbert and all his family were there. We found some food and as we were eating the power came back on. Immediately speakers were cranked and the party was back on. We looked out the window and saw a crowd of people dancing in the front yard. I was persuaded and Joy leapt at the chance to join them and we had a bit of a groove and then returned to finish our food so we could head back 'home'. We left them preparing for the next day with much singing and dancing.
At this point I could leave the rest until next week but I promised, so, you will have to persevere. Maybe at this point you should get a cup of tea or even a strong coffee, remember I haven't even got to the wedding day yet!
Wedding day.
(At the start of the day not at all sure what this will look like, resolve to go with the flow and endeavour to always follow someone else in hot pink).
Wake up very early, make sure I have my dress and shoes, head off to the salon in a car packed with people, some I recognise, some I don't. Although Joy is not in the wedding she comes as my translator and also as my official photographer, so that I have photos of the day on my camera. I think we reach the salon at around 7:30am. Now the salon experience takes up a considerable part of the day as we didn't leave the salon until almost 1pm. From the time we got there I had no real idea what was going on. I was not sure what was expected of me and I certainly wasn't sure what was going to happen with my hair. I thought maybe they would just wash it and get me to style it. There were nine of us to be worked on in that salon, with others being worked on elsewhere (although I'm not sure whether that's because when they got to the salon we were at they found chaos, with another blackout and another wedding party being worked on!).
So, yes, there was a blackout. Which caused chaos for those who were having their hair dried under one of those hair dryer things. Once the power went off someone eventually found a generator which although helpful, could only power one hair dryer at a time. Not that helpful when there are three wedding parties on the go! The blackout happened sometime after I had had my hair washed and dried but while I was having rollers put in my hair. However eventually it was my turn under the one dryer which didn't take long as I'd been waiting for awhile. Now up till this point I was not too worried. My concern came when the lady working on my hair put something that looked a little like vaseline on my scalp in between where the rollers had been. I guess it's to sooth the burnt spots from the dryer but I was a little sceptical as to it's benefit for my head and very worried about what it would do to the end product of my hair for the day. I decided to go along with it however and enjoy the ride.
While waiting my turn to be worked on, with my Shirley Temple hair, I got to see some of the amazing things that can be done with African hair. Extensions are par for the course and I was astounded with the elaborate hairstyles created. Even the flower girls got instant long hair and when they were dressed, looked very grown up. Meanwhile Midiana and her matron (maid of honour) were having their nails done and surprisingly enough by a guy (I also saw other guys doing this as a job so I am left with the assumption whether right or wrong that it's only men who give mani's and pedi's in Tanzania). I wish I had a photo of the nails of the matron as they were amazing . As they were having their nails done food and soda arrived (around 11am ish). I was happy with this because we hadn't eaten at all yet but I was bemused by the selection of foods. I guess my experience with Aussie weddings has been light finger food, maybe fruit. So when confronted by fried chicken, whole roast bananas and pieces of meat in gravy, all to be eaten with hands (no plates or utensils) I was a little daunted. And when I saw the three flower girls who were already dressed, hair done and made up, I was also a little horrified. However, they managed and I managed so any crisis I was predicting was averted. And eventually after all hair had been done, they got to me.
I can't explain the look on the hairdresser's face as she started playing with my hair, but it made me nervous. And when she combed one side flat I have to admit I wasn't sure where she was going with it. Because I knew that even though it had been curled, once she'd combed it there was no going back. I think she decided that the less she did, the better because after that, she pulled my hair into a half side-ponytail and just pinned the curls. After a good spray of hairspray (the hairdresser sprayed, then I sprayed, then I sprayed some more) and the addition of a sprig of flowers, I then faced the question of makeup. I sat undecided on what to do for some time. After all I knew that the foundation they had would NOT match my skin tone. And seeing the colours for the other bridesmaids makeup I was a bit reluctant to have the same. So after quite a bit of hesitation I decided to do my own. For the best I think.
With my hair and makeup out of the way, the day could now continue. Oh and Midiana! She looked stunning.
We left the salon quite a bit later than we were meant to, the wedding was meant to be at 12 and as I think I mentioned earlier it was almost 1 by the time we left and the church was a little way away. But that didn't seem to matter. We left the salon to a soundtrack provided by a truck loaded with speakers and photographers and a DJ. The truck drove ahead of the wedding cars all day announcing the wedding and the newly married couple (I assume as all DJing was in Swahili). In fact because there was not enough room in the wedding cars for everyone, some of the maids also went on the back of the truck, dancing, until a dip in the road made it necessary to hang on tightly.
We arrived at the church and amongst general confusion (it seemed that there were more people outside the church than inside and I don't think it was just me with my lack of local language that didn't know what was going on) we were eventually at the point of entry to the church. The maids, best man, page boy and anyone else dressed in pink joined Gilbert at one doorway and to distinctly 'African' music, we danced into the church and down the aisle to the door at the back of the church where Midiana waited attended by the groomsmen, matron and flower girls. Then the entire group danced back down the aisle behind Midiana and Gilbert who did the traditional wedding march that I know from the Ugandan weddings I've seen (a slow rock from left, right, left to right, left, right).
The bride, groom, matron and best man then sat in seats at the front of the church facing the pastor. I ended up sitting somewhere in the middle of the church, nowhere near Joy who I was hoping would translate for me. So the rest is a blur of Swahili apart from the bits that I recognised as I said earlier. There was much singing - the musicians and singers were very good and there was more dancing, when it came time for us to leave, once again we danced down the aisle to where the cars waited for us.
Leaving the church with the party truck in front of us, we drove through town for a while and then ended up at hotel where there were photos in the gardens. It was here that one man (who I later worked out was driving one of the wedding cars) stood next to me and demanded to have his photo taken with the mzungu.
After the photos were done we piled back into our cars and headed once again through town (for maximum exposure) blocking the road wherever we could. The DJ on the party truck was also instructing the four cars following on which formation to make and this was all captured in still shots and video by the guys on the back of the truck. At one point we were driving next to the bridal car and I realise that Gilbert has decided to take his life into his own hands and is driving and Middy is in the front seat.
We make it to Gilbert's place, where although I am told it is not the reception, we find marquees set up and what looks like food to feed hundreds. I am told that this part of the day is almost more important than any other, coming to the family home and celebrating there. So at around 5:30pm we are fed along with relatives, friends and neighbourhood children. The children know that when everyone else is served that there will be food for them and wait patiently for their time. Celebration is a community event and everyone is welcome. There is more dancing, the giving of gifts (each gift is brought personally by the giver who dances to the gift table followed by a crowd of other guests who are also dancing) and at some point I'm told to go and get in a car.
I find myself in a car with Midiana, Gilbert, Rebecca (matron), Matthew (best man), Joy and Julianne. I guess we are headed to the reception, so I'm surprised when we pull up in front of the salon. Time for touch ups. Funnily enough, in the salon at the same time is the wedding party that we shared the salon with in the morning (we had also bumped into them at the hotel where we had photos). So once again the salon is crammed with bodies, this time though the sense of excited anticipation has turned into a somewhat delirious hilarity. Finally, after putting everything back in it's place, we head to another hotel where the reception is to be held. Not wearing a watch it's hard to tell what time this was but my guess is we arrived anywhere between 7:30 and 9pm.
We waited outside for some time (at least fifteen minutes - nothing happens quickly here if it doesn't have to) and the groomsmen and maids used the time to argue over which stroke (dance move) we should use to dance into the building. Each group (friends, family, immediate family, bridal party) all danced in separately and when I danced in with the maids behind Middy and Gilbert I was amazed at the spectacle of the place. The decorations were amazing!
What followed was fairly typical of a reception. We sat at tables (I wasn't sure where I was meant to go so I sat with Joy and Julianne and Midiana's family who I at least knew - and who at least could communicate with me) that were filled with a variety of drinks. There was more gift giving (in the same format as earlier) with each group being called separately to give their gift. Joy, Julianne and I were included in Midiana's family group so we danced with our gift to the table and danced past the bride, groom, best man and matron. There was a cutting of the cake. There was a buffet meal (no utensils but at least a plate). There were speeches (I was called on by the DJ to give a speech I'm sure because I was the only white person in the room). There was dancing, much dancing (but 'Nutbush' and 'YMCA' were nowhere to be seen or heard). There were toasts (which also involved dancing - we all grabbed our drinks, formed a conga line and all congaed (seriously can't believe that the spell check accepts this as a real word) past the bridal party and clinked glasses/bottles). And finally, around midnight, Middy and Gilbert left. At that point everyone who hadn't already left vacated the building and looked for cars to take them home. Joy and Julianne and I ended up in a minibus and after dropping a few others we reached home over eighteen hours after we had left it.
When we reached home we found no water. With my hair and body covered in glitter and sweat and my hair filled with goop (and a very early start and long bus ride the next day) I had been hoping to bathe, however it seemed that my fellow passengers were to suffer with me. And so, after only a few hours of sleep, Joy and I started the rest of our safari back to Mbarara and home.
Wow! An epic day and an epic read.
Blessings
bron
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