The moment.

To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life.

So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our own imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in an world preoccupied with control.

Excerpt from the essay, Waiting for God by Henry Nouwen in WATCH FOR THE LIGHT

It's been a while since I've been able to bring myself to write and finish my thoughts here. Oh I've started, but nothing has formed well enough to put out there. And to be brutally honest this is now an exercise in discipline rather than a desire to share. But whatever the motivation, here are my thoughts:

I went to a gathering the other day where we were looking at the above quote and it's making me ponder. On Tuesday I'm heading into the great blue beyond, winging my way back to Australia for the first time in eighteen months. And I wonder what changes I will find. I know the government has changed but what of my friends and family whose daily lives I know little of? What news have I missed out on? Being present to life here in Uganda means sacrificing being present in the lives of those whom I've grown up with, those whose lives have sharpened my own and those I love.

These words have struck me deeply. Because while on the surface my life can literally be summed up by open-ended waiting (a year to indefinite) there has to be intentional living to truly, fully live this way. And I'm not sure I always live intentionally in the moment. How often do I look ahead to something coming and focus on it so much that I miss what is happening now? Do I live fully present to the moment without being consumed by fear for the future rather than a real sense of hope?

As I ponder all this, I'm reminded again of God's great love and mercy that exist to draw me closer to Him. So this Christmas season I'm thankful for Emmanuel - God with Us, who calls me to live present with His presence and that I get to be present with some of my most favourite people in the world even if for the briefest of moments.

This photo in no way represents all of my most favourite people but is a fantastic sampling.

Blessings

bron

A day to be thankful

I'm sitting here in a café drinking my double shot espresso and contemplating the annoyance that is slow internet. So far there have been several things that have made my day not go the way I was thinking it would. At the moment I am missing a pre-planned Skype date with a friend. The internet is so slow I can't even access my emails. I left my wallet at home with my spare airtime. It's just started really raining and it's my washing day. The power has gone out. Because of the rain I'm now stuck at the café until it stops.

With all these possible complaints about to burst into my consciousness I have to stop myself and be thankful. Recently I've been reminded again and again of the power of thankfulness and the relative ease and speed with which I can slip into a negative frame of mind.

So today I am thankful that I'm warm and dry and have a place to be so until the rain decides to stop. I'm thankful for the stash of money I found in my bag as it means if I'm rained in for the day I can get some food. I'm thankful for the fact that the storm and the rain are reminders of God's provision and that the farmers who were concerned about the slow start to the wet season at least for today have their fears allayed. I'm thankful for the sound of rain. I'm thankful for the things I managed to get done yesterday so that I don't have to worry about them today. I'm thankful for the enforced moment of rest when I may have otherwise felt that I should be somewhere else doing something else. I'm thankful that I don't have email and facebook to distract me from writing this. I'm thankful that I have a laptop that has an hour or so on the battery in which time the power may come on again. I'm thankful that I was already here at the café when the rain started and not halfway between. I'm thankful that the trip Anne had planned to one of our Australia HOPE International schools today was cancelled and therefore there is no chance that I will have to risk a bogged car.

I'm also thankful for so many other constants in my life. From the resources I have access to, to friends, both those in Uganda and all around the world. I'm thankful for material things and those that are less tangible. I'm thankful for my health and ability to reason and experience emotion. I'm thankful for the beauty that I see in the world around me and I'm also thankful that in the face of everything that is awful in this world I can respond with love because I have been loved.

If I sit here thinking instead of thanking I'm a person I don't want to be.

So I'll sit here and wait it out being thankful for the time to write this blog, one of which I feel is woefully overdue, hoping that the rain will stop in time for my language lesson and music practice tonight and that internet will manage to send this out there into cyber space.

Have a blessed week

bron

ps – I’m very thankful that despite slow internet I managed to have a typed Skype date with my friend, managed to check some emails and the power came back on (whether generator or mains I’m not sure but as long as my computer has not died I’m so happy).

Animal sacrifice

I love eating meat. Like a LOT. If you know me, you know this to be true. And really any kind will do, although a thick juicy medium rare Scotch Fillet would go down a treat. Or grilled lamb chops. Or chicken kiev with lots of garlic and butter. Or bacon. Mmmmm bacon.

So it might come as somewhat of a shock to find that currently I am a virtual vegetarian. Now I know that there are many reasons for becoming a vegetarian, many of which I find confounding (I know that there are foods I don't like but how can anyone not like meat?!) but I can't say that I've stopped eating meat for such altruistic reasons as saving the cute little goats that I see on the side of the road, or to stop the slaughter of innocent cows. I'm not for inhumane treatment of animals but I guess I like meat more than I like them (and if there is a piece of meat on a foam tray covered in plastic wrap how I am to know how it died - the ignorance plea). However in the almost nine months since I've been living in this apartment (and therefore buying my own food) I've bought meat products maybe four times. Mince that went into a spaghetti bolognaise, one packet of bacon and chorizo a couple of times. And come to think of it the first three months when I didn't have a fridge I didn't buy any meat.

An unsuspecting cow. Kibogo village, 2008

Really my lack of meat consumption is all about lack of convenience. Laziness and tight purse strings on my part really. The only place I know that I can buy single person proportioned cuts of meat sells that meat at a premium price and I'm not willing to pay that much.

Butchery Ugandan style

That's not to say when I eat out that I don't try and always order something meaty. And when that meal costs somewhere between eighty cents and two dollars it's much more affordable than the nicely packaged alternative. Of course it's still not a steak…

The classic street food ‘meat on a stick’ and the grandest roast chicken ever!

Meat consumption is a privilege of the rich. For most Australians who are vegetarian it is a lifestyle choice. But here around me I see people who are vegetarians by circumstance. Who wish to be habitual rather than occasional omnivores. And as a meat lover I can't blame them.

I have started to see some articles (maybe they were always there and now I've started looking for them) about the growing middle class in China and India and how the growing economic stability of these rather large groups of people is starting to change their meat consumption habits. Most of the articles i read were looking at the long term (and not so long term) global effects, as the land once used for cereal crops (that feeds the majority of the worlds population) is sought after for pastureland and as a food source for livestock. This has caused me to think about my own meat consumption habits (pre Uganda) and whether my privilege entitles me to dismiss these concerns.

Does thinking about the effect that my meat consumption has on the world make me consider not eating meat. Not really. It seems I'm not that noble. But if a healthier, more globally sustainable diet is a by product of sacrificing my eating of animals then I'm also okay with that.

On the other hand, if you would like to support families here in Uganda and DR Congo by supplying them with breeding goats, chickens, pigs or cows (thus giving them an opportunity to raise their family income and eat meat if they would like to), check out Jambo Sana and buy an Australia HOPE International gift card.

Blessings

bron

On acquiring a cat, an oven and turning 32.

To be honest the cat and the oven have affected my life in a far greater way than turning 32.

This is now my fourth 'international' birthday, having spent the past four birthdays in Redding CA, Mbarara, Bunia DRC and again this past week my most recent birthday here again in Mbarara. After a lifetime of birthday presents, it perhaps reflects my lifestyle and change of perspective that I was ecstatic about the birthday present I received of a small block of cheese from a friend.

Although the day was lovely, going out to lunch with a friend and later some other friends bringing me a cake, it did pass quietly and without fanfare, which I quite enjoyed.

On the other hand my new (old) oven has revolutionised my life.

From cakes to roasted vegies, it excites me with it's endless possibilities and I'm already making the most of it, including yesterday a chocolate cake that I shared with some friends in the evening with icecream (my mum's boiled chocolate cake recipe with my fake ganache icing) and a lemon syrup cake that looks terribly ugly but I have a feeling is going to taste amazing when I take it to an afternoon tea on Saturday.

The cat? I'm not sure he's revolutionised my life but he is quite possibly the most neurotic cat I have known. I think he has abandonment issues and whines fairly constantly. As those who know me well would tell you, it is a bit of a shock that I have a cat. I'm not known for my love of animals and cats are well up there in the rankings. However Suki (who I often refer to as 'cat' or 'it') belonged to a friend of mine who was leaving Uganda and, being the softie I am, I offered to provide a home for him.

So all in all, a week of blessing.

Be blessed

bron

ps – this won’t turn into a food blog I promise!

All by myself

It's been a while now since I've had significant chunks of time without Aussie visitors and I'm realising now how much this has spoilt me and how much my perspective changes depending on who I spend my time with. It has honestly been amazing having so many people stay with me or cross my path here in Uganda. I've made new friends, strengthened relationships and shared experiences that have challenged and changed me.

But at the end of the day, when I wave goodbye, I go back home and so do they.

This means that the frustrations I share with my Aussie friends, while they might understand and sympathise, fade into the back of their consciousness becoming a memory of their time in Africa, an amusing anecdote to share with friends who want to know what it's like in this culture. But for me these frustrations remain part of my daily life.

I've noticed it most recently when I've found something funny but can't laugh with my Ugandan friends because it's not funny to a Ugandan. And I think of my Australian friends who have visited here and who would be cracking up with me and I wish that for that moment I could share it.

I realised the other day that this never used to happen. Before I had the opportunity of shared frustrations, they were just mine and I dealt with them. I've discovered a side of me that now craves to share those frustrations all the time. Like I can't go back to those innocent days where it was all in my head and I could convince myself that I was making a big deal out of nothing.

This is one side affect that I had not foreseen.

It's come as a bit of a shock, this discontent, this desire that things be different. After all I am well aware that I am in a different culture and that I will not find everything as it is at home in Australia. I'm just surprised that my African 'culture shock' is happening more than two years into my time here.

I'm not sure that I had realised I felt like this until just now. Self revelation through blogging! No doubt in a couple of weeks I’ll adjust back to life as normal and in the meantime I’ll try to remember to rejoice and be thankful in all things.

Thanks for being a listening ear.

Blessings

bron

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Okay so there aren't any bears or tigers in Africa but we were definitely on the hunt for lions a few weeks ago when Rob was visiting. We took two days out of a busy three week trip to go and visit Queen Elizabeth National Park and once again despite promising myself that I already have enough photos I managed to get a few more snaps and Rob enjoyed himself with his video camera.

Elephant kisses

Maybe no bears or tigers but there were elephants, hippos and crocodiles!

River cruise on the Kazinga Channel with Rob and Pastor Willy

It’s dry season and wherever you go you leave a cloud of dust. It’s worth being the car in front of the others.

The early birds catch the lions. A beautiful sunrise and a far off glimpse of a pride.

Beautiful Crested Cranes with their chicks and a Uganda Cobb. You can find both these guys gracing the Uganda Crest. The Crane even makes it to the national flag.

Far off mountains hidden by cloud. These mountains are part of the Rwenzori’s, snow capped mountains bordering Uganda and DR Congo.

Rob! Rob! Out the window! In front of us! Right there!

Just chilling by the side of the road

Beautiful regal creatures, even without their manes grown in

Handsome Water Buck and a family of elephants. Their may have been a few bars of Baby Elephant Walk to go along with this moment.

Despite not needing to go and see animals for a while there is something infinitely cool about seeing these creatures and wondering at the amazing God I believe in. The diversity and interdependence we all have as we cohabit this planet. God! You are Great!

Blessings

bron

p.s. I had the most amazing time with Rob. It was such a blessing to spend time with him, have him speak into my life and encourage me in my journey. Thanks Rob for everything!

All the small things

Bouncing around in a truck for two hours on my way home the other day I was complaining to myself about the discomfort I was experiencing. The first part of the road out of the refugee camp is bumpy and at times as the truck tilted I seriously contemplated my plan if the truck tipped over. Then Anne was telling me about how she used to have to use public transport. Not the organised, safe, runs on a timetable even if it is sometimes late kind of public transport that you probably have in your mind. I mean the Ugandan kind of public transport, a car or van (taxi) stuffed full of people and things. And full is not just a passenger per seat, usually more a ratio of 2:1. She described catching a boda (motorbike taxi) to a certain point and then waiting on the side of the road for up to an hour for a taxi to go past, waiting for one that wasn't already full.

And then my complaints stopped and I started thinking how good I had it in the truck. That I wasn't out in the blazing sun walking kilometres with a bundle on my head. That I didn't have to push a bicycle loaded with charcoal or maize or matoke. That I didn’t have to wait by the side of the road for 'public transport'. And as the road transformed from scary to graded to bitumen I reminded myself to be grateful.

We had been to Nakivale to deliver desks and books that were bought with funds raised by Aussie school children. It's unthinkable in Australia that teachers would be able to teach without students having desks and that any meaningful learning could happen without books or access to information. Yet this is a daily reality for many of our schools. We managed to give three class sets of books - a picture dictionary, an upper primary dictionary and an atlas. Each class set fifteen books. With seven of the ten classes having more than fifty students using the books might be an issue - but it's a start. When we handed the books out one of the kids asked if they got to keep the books. I'm wondering if he thought I just wanted to take photos and then take the books away again. And so, what may seem like a small thing to us who have everything, was accepted with great joy and wonder. That these things are now theirs.

This year HOPE is focussing its fundraising on Nakivale school, where we need to build new classrooms as well as finishing off the already existing classrooms. Imagine the joy of the students if we were able to raise enough that those classrooms could also be filled with desks and enough books purchased so that the current ratio of 1 book to 14 students is reduced.

If you feel you can help out in any way, with creativity, time or money please contact HOPE through the website or Jambo Sana in Nairne, SA.

Blessings

bron

Yellow Bricks

Yesterday I travelled to Entebbe to pick up my friend Rob Moores from the airport. The early morning and the ten hours of travel (there and back - not one way!) weren't my favourite but it was a sacrifice worth making. I met Rob and Maureen when I was 18, way back in 1999 and in the following years they were not only my pastors but mentors, friends and family. While Maureen is not here in Uganda, I'm excited that I do get to hang with Rob for three weeks.

While most Aussies who I've spent time with in Uganda have come on missions trips with Australia HOPE International (excluding my mum and sister) and I haven't really known them (with the exception of course of my friend Suz but she doesn't count because she lives and breathes Africa), this will be the first time that I will be spending time with someone I know really well and who knows me. It is my privilege to introduce one of the most significant people in my faith journey to this place that I am so passionate about. And no doubt, along the way, he will once again challenge my faith. Rob is not the kind of person you can hang around with and he doesn't impact you.

His trip will be a bit of a whirlwind. I'm getting used to them. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a basement where I could hide away from it all, like in The Wizard of Oz. But maybe like Dorothy, the adventure is worth going on. Maybe somewhere after the tornado has hit, along the journey home, I find courage and love and wisdom and help others do the same.

For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. Hebrews 13:14

Blessings

bron

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Once again I find myself here in Uganda sending a friend off. And slightly jealous of the fact that on Saturday she will be with family and friends and I will still be here. Don't get me wrong though, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world, but to be seeing everyone on Saturday, that would be cool.

So last Saturday we had a little get together with friends so that we could hang out one last time before making the trek to Kampala (where we are now doing some craft shopping - check out Jambo Sana). An Aussie Afternoon Tea (that of course finished at 9:30pm), made Aussie by the fact that there were two Aussies present and, disappointingly for some of our friends, not because of Australian food.

But with Italian bruschetta, American m&m cookies, my Mum's boiled chocolate cake and a local offering of pineapple it was multicultural and therefore Australian enough. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all the time I've been here and I realised once again how blessed I am. That even though I am so far from family and friends, I have people here in Uganda that I care about and who care about me.

So, even though it is sad to say another goodbye, I am so thankful for the time that Danielle has spent staying with me and for the shared experience we've had of Uganda.

Be blessed

bron

To walk a mile in their shoes…

I guess in my home town it's not uncommon for people to go around barefoot. After all it's on the coast, so in summer when it gets warm people practically live at the beach. But if I ever see anyone walking through Woolies with no shoes on, I never question the fact that at home they have many pairs.

A couple of weeks ago we had two of the children sponsored through Australia HOPE International come to town to visit a doctor in preparation for a surgery and also for an ear and eye check up. It was a bit of an experience watching their reaction to everything as one of them had never been outside the village (and came to town without shoes) and the other only once before.

In between appointments and after dodging traffic and holding the hands of children who were completely unfamiliar with road safety, we went and got some lunch. Sodas and African food for the girls who ate, as usual, with their hands, never having used a knife and fork before. The concept of chairs and tables also seemed quite foreign to them and they looked quite uncomfortable in their surroundings.

Often and quite obviously, I see things from my own perspective. So it was eye opening to see things through the eyes of these two young girls. In the same way that there are many fish out of water moments for me, through which I learn about this culture that I'm in, it was a privilege to witness the same discomfort and wonder as these girls learnt something new about the world around them outside the usual village setting.

Despite the discomfort of discomfort, I am glad to be almost daily put in this situation. There is challenge, reward and joy to be had in interacting with other cultures, other people, other places.

I'm just glad that I get to do it in shoes.

Blessings

bron

The Long and Winding Road

Love the Beatles. Not so loving of the reality. Travel here in Uganda, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, is not quick. The road is not only long and winding but is also bumpy and dusty. Even when the road is good, it's not that good. Last week Danielle and I adventured to visit our friend Jono in Arua which is way north. Even though Uganda is a small country there are still a lot of k's to cover and covering them is certainly more effort than it is in Australia. Arua is a town not far from the border of DRC and about one hundred kilometres from South Sudan. In fact the road to Jono's farm runs along the border to Congo. From where we are in Mbarara it took us five hours to travel two hundred and sixty five kilometres to Kampala where we stayed the night. The next day was a seven hour bus ride travelling the four hundred and eighty two kilometres to Arua.

Whilst the travel is tedious there are often a few moments to make the trips memorable for reasons other than the sheer exhaustion at the end.

As it was my first trip to Arua I was quite interested to see what northern Uganda looked like. To my surprise it was a lot more lush than I had expected. It seems that it is north eastern Uganda that is more arid. And along the way we travelled through, or at least past, Murchison Falls or Kabarega National Park where there was plenty of animal spotting to be had. We saw baboons who are quite ugly but somehow cute, other smaller monkeys who are genuinely adorable, a wide variety of antelope type creatures who I am sure are all unique but to me are pretty much the same, and a lone elephant bathing in swampland just after we crossed over the River Nile  with it’s surfable looking rapids.

This photo is not of the Arua trip elephant. We travelled past that one at around 100km/hr, not easy to get a photo out of a bus window at that speed.

Despite the tiring journey there and back, and even with the elephant, the highlight was still visiting Jono and seeing what he is doing in Arua. We were totally welcomed by his friends and the church that he is now part of, including speaking at several meetings over our two day visit (mostly Danielle) and running an impromptu Teacher Seminar for the teachers at the school attached to the church. Neither of us are particularly into farming but it was also fun to tramp across farmland and hear about Jono's vision for it's future, giving us a picture of how it might be beyond prickles and potential vipers.

Walking Jono’s land

Vision keeps us moving forward. Without vision there is no growth. Australia HOPE International did not start out where it is now but because of vision countless lives are being changed into the future.

And vision will keep us on the long and winding road. When you can't see where you are headed and the drive is tiring it is vision that stops you from pulling over and camping where you are (or maybe it's a dislike of camping). Like Abram who kept on moving until he reached where God had told him to go, even though he was in unknown territory, my personal lesson from Arua is that I need to remember that there is always something ahead, possibly something I don't understand yet, but it's there. And every day I can be moving toward it or be sleeping on an air mattress in the middle of nowhere.

Here's to the road...

bron

On the subject of stars…

...I'm a fan of Vincent. Not that I'm an expert and I don't know all his stuff, but there are paintings like The Starry Night that whenever I see them make me happy. Wrapped up in memories and relationships, this particular painting brings me close to people I love.

...I can't tell you exactly when it happened but somewhere, sometime, I fell in love with the song 'Dream a Little Dream of Me'. Those words, "Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'…" evoke emotions, a phrase and a melody magically transporting me to another time and place. And well, what song with whistling wouldn't make you smile?

...'Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be innocent and pure as God's perfect children, who live in a world of corrupt and sinful people. You must shine among them like stars lighting up the sky, as you offer them the message of life.' Philippians 2:14-16

Sometimes the easiest approach is to complain. Or argue. It seems like here, where culture often determines a worldview that is decidedly different from my own, I want to argue more. Because I know I'm right. And because my point of view deserves to be heard. And because you should want to know what I think.

Living with another Australian has reminded me of how different I am. That I do share common understanding with others in this world. And that generally speaking, those people are not here in Uganda.

While expressing my opinion is okay, I've chosen to be here so at times that just means sucking it up and keeping quiet. Choosing over and over again to think of things positively. Not letting what I'm thinking always come out my mouth. And consciously changing what I think, or at least being open to it.

So armed with this message of life, uncluttered by arguments or complaints, toward God and toward others, I am in the process of becoming a pinprick of light, shining in darkness, bringing hope and relief.

Also shining like a star is my friend Bright who has had every reason to complain. Life in the last year has been tough but he is finding the strength to keep looking forward and now has a new leg to stand on.

…and when the battle is won, you will still be standing. Ephesians 6:13

Have a blessed week

bron

Love nailed to a cross

There's no doubt about it, Aussies are awesome.

Just hearing the familiar accent gives me comfort. And last weekend I got to chill with a bunch of them.

Besides Danielle who is staying with me, we had a group of new and old friends come to Mbarara and spent a few brief moments showing them around town. Bonnie, who is doing a uni placement in Mbale in Eastern Uganda, had three of her siblings come to visit her and they all popped down here to have a look.

Even in a very short amount of time we managed to have an adventure with the boys having to push our van out of the mud we were stuck in.

Despite the brevity of their stay it was such fun and such a blessing to hang out together and I was totally stoked by the pressie they left, a sacrificial gift of Tim Tams and Cadbury's Easter Eggs.

Which reminds me. It's Easter this weekend coming. If all goes according to plan, Danielle and I will actually be facilitating a teacher seminar in Nakivale Refugee Settlement on Friday and Saturday. It seems the sanctity of the public holiday is lost here and even among Christians, the day is not viewed in quite the same way as I'm used to.

There will be no hot cross buns, there are no Easter eggs in the stores and I doubt the kids have ever heard of an Easter bunny. But even though they may not celebrate Easter like me, this country, with its high proportion of Christians, certainly knows what Easter is about.

As a Christian, the reflection and celebration of Easter is like a drop in the ocean. My life doesn't rest upon one weekend of reflection. My life revolves around this one event where Jesus saw me in all my weakness, humanness and sin, and gave his life in exchange for mine. This is the very core of who I am, what I believe and the catalyst for change in my life.

So this weekend I'll take the opportunity, whatever it is I end up doing, to reflect on the goodness and kindness of my Saviour, enjoy some chocolate eggs from home and continue to daily be thankful for his faithfulness, love and mercy towards me.

Blessings

Bron

Ps - plans are made to be changed. Danielle and I will now enjoy a quiet Easter here in Mbarara.